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Dark Indistinguishable Figure Said to be Lingering in Bush’s Hospital Room
HOUSTON – Former president George H.W. Bush has been hospitalized since November 23 with what is being called “a lingering cough.” While the 88-year-old Bush Sr. and his doctors remain hopeful for a...
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White House Hires Counselor To Help Lawmakers Imagine What Unemployment Feels...
WASHINGTON–An inside source at the White House announced Thursday evening that President Obama had ordered officials to hire “the best” creative counselor they could find so he could hold an emergency...
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US Mint Announces Trillion-Dollar Contest
WASHINGTON – (AP) Treasury officials announced today that submissions will be accepted in anticipation of its minting of one trillion-dollar platinum coin. “Though the administration has not indicated...
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Toughest Sheriff On Earth to Hunt Down Alleged Obama Doubles
AZ – Sheriff Joe Arpaio, known for his iron fist and steel spine, has apparently been spending his post-holiday season chasing the facts and details about a little reported story of a possible Obama...
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North Korea Delivers Message of Instigation, ‘Pyongyang Style’
PYONGYANG – In response to strengthened sanctions in light of North Korea’s latest rocket launch, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un released a statement making clear his country’s intentions to continue...
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Herman Cain Hired By Fox News Under One Condition
When Fox News offered a contributor’s position to Herman Cain on Fox News Channel and Fox Business Network, they offered it on one condition: that Cain “thoroughly and demonstrably” change his...
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Christopher Dorner’s Remains Handcuffed, Beaten, & Stuffed In Back of LAPD...
BIG BEAR — Ex-cop and fugitive Christopher Dorner most likely took his own life with a single, self-inflicted gunshot to the head, but officers on the scene were still eager to handcuff his scorched...
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UAV Advocacy Group Launches First Campaign
Friday marked the opening benefit banquet of the National Drone Association, an industry advocacy group which seeks to promote a culture of drone ownership. With such bumper-stickerable slogans as...
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New Guided Meditation Leads Listeners Through Satisfying Torture Scenarios Of...
With the sequester in place, a dead economy, millions of Americans out of work and without hope, and a self-destructive government, you almost had to know it was coming sooner than later. A way to get...
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CIA Amasses Largest Collection Of Pornography In The Free World
NEW YORK – Standing before the GigaOM’s Structure:Data conference in New York, the Central Intelligece Agency’s chief technology officer inadvertently made a startling revelation: the CIA has...
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Walmart Executive Instructional Manual Calls Workers ‘Speaking Tools’
BENTONVILLE, AR — Walmart executives have been thrust into the glaring limelight as one of their standard instruction manuals on how to handle store employees leaked online. The pamphlet breaks down...
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From Clown to Congress: Sen Rand Paul Admits He Used To Be Ronald McDonald
Many savvy Internet sleuths thought the junior senator from Kentucky bore a basic resemblance to McDonald’s most famous mascot, Ronald McDonald, but after multiple allegations and a few prominent...
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Spectator At Benghazi Testimony Chokes on Hotdog, Questions About Standards &...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – There has been no shortage of mainstream media coverage about today’s Benghazi testimonies by state department officials who gathered before a Congressional committee and gave their...
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Teenage Detainees from Afghanistan Open White House’s Suspicious Mail
WASHINGTON – In a supposed move to assimilate teenage refugees from Afghanistan into American culture, the White House has forcefully employed them to do a specific task in Washington as a way to pay...
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Awaiting the Worst: Officials Fear John McCain Given Death Tap in Syria
Senator John McCain made headlines when he sneaked across Turkey’s border into Syria to meet with the leaders of the Free Syrian Army. The senator is the highest ranking official to meet with rebel...
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George Zimmerman Ready To Get Back Out There
It’s hardly been twenty-four hours since the controversial Trayvon Martin trial has wrapped up, but sources close to the defendant say George Zimmerman, encouraged by a ‘not guilty’ verdict, is ready...
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Obama & Hooded Teenager Appear to Zimmerman Protesters, Urge Calm
Most people seem to think technology is developing faster than we could have ever expected, but few have witnessed such an unbelievably spectacular technological feat as the Trayvon Martin protesters...
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President Obama Makes Monumental Economic Pitch
As President Obama embarked on his campaign-style Midwest tour to make clear his agenda on reinvigorating the struggling American economy, many citizens who tuned into the president’s speech were...
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Just Mention My Name & You’re Covered, Frustrated President Says of Obamacare...
(republished by Dear Dirty America) Amid catastrophic website problems, the battered president, still weary and worn from a two-week government shutdown battle with Congress, admitted his healthcare...
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Pulitzer Prize Winning Seymour Hersh Says Obama Raid ‘One Big Lie’; George W...
(republished at Dear Dirty America) “They wouldn’t lie to me, would they?” former president George Bush Jr asks his butler, Menlo, after the latter read aloud a recent news article about Pulitzer Prize...
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